Cell Phones and Husbands

A Dollar's Worth

by Alisa Dollar

Everyone is experiencing huge onsets of allergies causing sore throats, ear aches, incessant coughing and sleepless nights.

After 2 1/2 weeks I decided to see Doc Jolly.

Husband met me there and while waiting in the lobby I broke his brand new phone. I didn’t really break it, but you’d have thought the world as we know it had changed to cell phone Hades. I heard from “how did you do that” to “why did you do that” to the best one: “you know this is my business phone.”

My insides were screaming and my head was killing me, I’m not sure which. I sure wanted to eliminate him from my sight at that moment. All I’d done was what the 611 lady’s voice said and initialized his phone.

Bam. It doesn’t work. How was I to know he’d taken it to one of the neighborhood stores to make sure all his phone numbers were transferred and the kid didn’t know you had to initialize the sim card that came with the phone. He’d just moved it over.

So, in the process of doing the right thing, I killed the active ‘old’ sim card.

Simple to understand, right?

When called into the exam room, he had Cute Young Nurse checking the phone with him.

Hello? I’m the sick one!

Doc Jolly comes in and asks what’s wrong as he sits down to take notes, knowing I usually entertain with a list of three ailments.

I told him I’d been sick for too long, I couldn’t sleep and I didn’t want to be really ill the few days I had for Thanksgiving and felt that ’whatever’ was going into my chest.

I sat for a few minutes to silence. Unless you account for Cute Young Nurse and husband wondering aloud what I’d done to his phone.

“What?” I nearly screamed.

“I’m waiting.”

“For what?”

“You don’t have three things wrong?” He frowned. “You must be really sick.”

I pointed to husband. “Him and that blasted phone. That’s three. Now fix me.”

It turns out I had baby bronchitis and a good thing I went.

I followed husband to the major phone store and the lady there fixed his phone and coddled him while the bad wife who messed up his phone stood there wondering how guys seem so innocent when they really aren’t.

It’s a conspiracy.

I’m sure of it.